I found myself praying a prayer tonight that i had heard in a story just the other day while in our small group. A man with great clout, ability, and reputation once walked up to say a prayer in front of a congregation, and as he did, the words that muttered off his lips were, "Dear God, please exist." Stunning and astonishing that a man who was thought to have it all together prayed the words that, I believe, the soul of every human being is afraid to admit.... God, please. exist. it is the cry of our souls. Because without him, we would be wrecks. Without him, we know our souls would be a mass of nothingness. It takes getting to the height of what we think is our "somethingness" to realize, just in fact, that we are nothing. And our hope stems on the truth that our God exists. In a conversation yesterday with seth, I was discussing what it is that happens to God when that passionate, desperateness, pulpation-feeling of the heart resting on God slowly fades, or worse, is gone when we violently search for it. What are we to do? in seth's words... "Don't worry. He'll come again. Those moments will be back." And something in me settled. I don't think seth is the first one to make the profound statement that the movements of God in our lives are not up to us. C.S. Lewis makes this same thought come to life when little Lucy from Narnia sees her beloved Aslan walk away, "where's he going??!" and tumnus (of course ;) replies... don't worry. he'll be back... but you won't know when... he comes when we're least expecting it."

in the silentness of each of our hearts, i think we each inquire in desperation, "is our God able to take care of our struggles and hurts?" is he able to be there in the midst of them? that, i think is why we cry, "dear God, please exist." because we have no problem knowing that he exists in the sunsets that take our breath away. we know he exists in the newness of each morning when the sun rises. we know he exists in the smile of a child. or in the beauty of music. but to experience him in the minor notes of our lives is another story. perhaps that is what makes life so beautiful. he is the author of it all. may i live this day experiencing it, not just knowing it. may i experience in the depths of my soul the goodness, perfection, and love of our God. he is faithful.

it is now morning, and once again, he has told the sun to get up and "do it again!" greet the day, that is. we do not have a God who somehow makes it up for yet another day, like i often do. He cannot wait for the next day. and with zest and excitement, the universe operates day and night at the command of his authority. they know that their Creator exists, because without Him, they would all fail to be. may we know, that we too, would all fail to be without the existence of our Creator. And my we live to praise Him for that. He is and we are not.