Uh-oh. Something is messing with me. I read this today:
"No, this is the kind of fasting I want: Free those who are wrongly imprisoned; lighten the burden of those who work for you. Let the oppressed go free, and remove the chains that bind people. Share your food with the hungry, and give shelter to the homeless. Give clothes to those who need them, and do not hide from relatives who need your help. THEN your salvation WILL COME like the dawn, AND your wounds will QUICKLY heal."

I have been searching for healing like someone dying of thirst in a desert. I have found 99% of the answer, I think, which is to go after God with everything I've got, simply to know Him more, not just to fix all my issues and fulfill all my wants. But I never expected the healing part to come in the latter 1% of what I found in the prophet's words. I have been looking for a quick fix and this is the first spot I've ever seen the Bible shoot it straight and tell me that my wounds won't just heal--- but heal QUICKLY!!! How? "By sharing food with the hungry and giving shelter to the homeless. By giving clothes to those in need and helping family that needs help." What on earth? What in the world does this have to do with healing my wounds?? I thought healing would come by someone rocking my hurts away??!! Give clothes to the poor?! I'm sorry to expose the raw selfishness and ugliness of my heart. I am ashamed, but it is what it is. If I am ever gonna become healthy and whole and like Christ, I'm gonna have to start somewhere.

It is embarrassing and humbling to admit that my major reason for wanting to give to the poor is selfish: to be healed. But if this is gonna have to be how it happens, then change me in the process. Maybe that's the point... as I get my eyes off my measly issues and focus onto what God considers a very important issue that is obviously near and dear to His heart. I'm just about all in. All I gotta do is run this by the husband. And knowing him, he'll be all in too.

If you don't think that God speaks in themes, well, He does. It's not coincidence. So after I read that verse, I read another blog today... and the title? "Christmas: Who's Birthday Is it Really?" Yes, you guessed... it was the blogger that I always blog about. Beth Moore said to pray to be like the people you admire, so I guess you can pinpoint who I'm praying to be like. Today Ann blogged about a tradition that started 10 years ago in her home when her oldest son challenged her Christmas theology right into a crisis of belief by asking the question: "If we sacrifice and give gifts to those we love on their birthday, then why don't we do that for Jesus on His birthday?"

It's been 10 years since the Voskamp families Christmas tree holds food for hungry children, clothes for unclothed babies, and water for those who can't drink... all in the Name of the real Birthday Boy. The gifts under their tree look a little different and none of them get opened on Christmas day, but are given away instead. I'm venturing out to say, but pretty confident, that salvation has fully come in the Voskamp home along with a quick dose of healing for that family. They have been healed by thinking about others. And in the meantime, those parents have given their children a gift of a lifetime: the gift of selflessness. That will keep them in good stead for the rest of their lives and allow salvation to thrive all their days long, with an ongoing salve for their wounds that come along the way.

It's time to do as Jesus suggested in His gospels: "Stop doubting and start believing." In other words, just do it. Don't think about. Don't mull over it. Don't get opinions or take a poll. Show immediate obedience. "This is how they will know they are My followers: by their obedience to Me and by their love for each other."

Snow. He came through.

Just when I thought I was giving out... and my faith was dying down, He came through. It's one thing to hope, or trust, or know, or believe that God will come through. And it's another to see it. And in the sweetest way. I have had a fettish lately with snow. Looking at snow scenes in ornaments. Watching movies with vintage snow scenes. Thinking about its purity and timelessness. And tonight--in Arknasas-- God let those little light and puffy snowflakes fall right before my eyes and right into my world.

The reality of its coldness as it touched my nose along with its gentle force as it hit my windshield as I drove was a tangible agreement that God is here. It doesn't always happen by things you can see and touch, but praise God, it did tonight. I was needing some of that. Sometimes it's faith and sometime's it's trials but sometimes you just get to sit back and be taken care of. The snow was like a little security blanket just wrapped right around me and is continuing to bring me security even as a type out these musings while it falls outside my window.

Thank you God for newness. Thank you God for perfect timing. You know just when to show up and just when to come save the day before we break. Thank you God for purity, without spot or blemish. Thank you God for whiteness. It represents so much refreshment that visibly and tangibly wipes a clean slate in life. Let that snow keep falling outside my window and let it keeping thawing my heart right to the very middle.

Hmmm... i hate the idea of writing about another blogger, but I must! And it's not just another blogger... it THE blogger of all time! Ann Voskamp. yeah, you've heard of her. She's also sold a book and made millions. And she did so by being thankful.

I went to her blog today and found the most precious pictures of... kittens. kittens. they were so tiny and sweet. one was drinking milk out of a blue bowl and the other was curled around a little girl's neck. I wish that I had a kitten right now. It seemed so easy to be thankful about what Ann was thankful about! It was those kittens thought brought her from a bad mood to a good mood today, so I'm sure if I had those then I would feel the same way! Isn't this a sad way of life... "if only i had her small area of thankfulness, i would too!: pout." I'm missing the point. What is it in my life that I have to be thankful for? Right now? as I sit on the couch from sleeplessness and another long day? What brings life to these dry bones? I look around my tiny apartment and search for what it is that could make me thankful. I look up at my tree and I find an ornament that has a snow scene on it. evergreens with frosted snow weighing down the branches. I find myself in that. My camera is broken, or i would post... I remember being in the first grade. We were asked to create a little scene inside of an empty checkbook box with a hole cut out of the top and sealed with wax paper. When you held it up to the light, it would make the little scene come to life. That is the first time I saw God. That scene is forever etched in my head. Thank you, God. Cottonballs and magazine cut-outs of a farm house with a fireplace and a long snow-covered road. I would secretly go get that little box and hold it up to the light for hours. In there, the awe of another world, of heaven I suppose, came to earth. to my little 5-year old eyes. I knew God was safe. If He was cozy enough to fit inside a little box and be huge all at the same time, I knew I wanted to be apart of Him.

So tonight... I don't have pictures of all of these thankful things. But I can list them. I am thankful for:
Little snow scenes in a box...
Colorado trees.
Jay saying "arrgh" like a pirate.
Pineapple.
Peace.
Sapphire rings.
Steadfast love.